During our time in Bali, we’ve encountered all kinds of of weird and exotic creatures, and today was no exception. Only instead of it being a cute and fury creature, or a weird but cool gecko, lizard or amphibian, today’s encounter was one of the creepy eight-legged variety…
The biggest spider in all of Bali.
And I knew it was big when it slid open the glass doors to our balcony, crushed a beer can on it’s forehead, lifted up the bed to get past us and wore the curtains as a napkin as it scaled the wall like King Kong on the Empire State Building. This thing was way bigger than my hand, and could easily text message way quicker than I ever could (and without using predictive text, even).
Call me inhumane, but I have a wife and baby on the way to protect, and it’s kill or be be killed in the jungle. And this mo-fo was on my turf. Being the hero that I am, I jammed a dagger between my teeth, stabbed it into the curtain and slid down like a pirate splitting a sail in those old pirate flicks, and pounced onto the giant creature’s back. We wrested to-and-fro, knocking furniture upside down and demolishing the room. Before giving him…
A face full of Baygon.
It was an agonizing (yet fascinating), defeat. And as the creature rolled over onto it’s back on the wall, it clung to a single silk thread, spewing from it’s abdomen. Refusing to give up, hanging on the wall like a giant swinging metronome under Big Ben.
Like Indiana Jones on the rickety rope-bridge in the Temple of Doom, I grabbed the nearest machete and hacked my way through his web, sending him hurtling into the alligator infested river below, (which looked amazingly just like the marble tiles of our floor).
Victory was had. But for how long? For now, my family can rest in safety and peace and I will unceasingly watch the horizon (and skirting boards), for any sign of their return. A task, I will lay upon myself til my last dying breath, (or until we catch the plane back to Oz next week).
Til that day, spiders…beware!